Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Abu Qatada Day


For those who have described me as an Idle miserable twit, I say thank you and to fully acknowledge this noble title, I wish to commemorate this as Abu Qatada day. Yes, he's the fat terrorist (not to be confused with Johnny Vegas), who's just lost his Human rights appeal and is to be deported to Jordan.


He will be sadly missed by Human rights lawyers and suppliers of high quality falafel and prime Halal Lamb all over Britain, (not to mention manufacturers o high quality pile suppositories) who will miss his valued custom. In solemn celebration of the end of his extended holiday in Costa Del Blighty, I shall repeat a previous post, which I put up in march.


ABU QATADA'S HUMAN RIGHTS


Mr Abu Qatada is/was one of Al Qaida's main contacts in Europe and like all self-respecting Terrorists, he lived on benefits in good old Blighty. Anyway, he was finally arrested and placed under House arrest, pursuant to eventual extradition to Jordan, where he was convicted for Terrorism.

The point is this challenge is being made to the Special Immigration Appeals Commissioner on his behalf to challenge his removal on the basis that he is likely to face harm or even death, in that the Jordanian Government is unlikely to honour its agreement with the UK that he and others would not face the death penalty. Lets forget that he was actually sentenced to Life in Jordanand not to death.

Im unable to comment either way, but the irony is that a man who advocates violence against the country that provided him with a safe haven, now fights a legal battle to stay there to avoid return to his own homeland. I do not advocate the death penalty for any reason and shall not be drawn into argument as to whether Jordan shall honour its pact or otherwise (I'll leave that job to those who are paid £250.00 per hour Legal Aid Rate for the said purpose). However its undeniable that there is certainly the stench of contradiction and hypocrisy in the air.

Facts:

A. A Video of his sermons was found in an apartment occupied by 3 of the 9/11 plotters

B. He absconded after 9/11 when the Police sought to question him.

C. He was sentenced to life in Jordan for terrorism.

D. Evidence has been found of his sponsorship of Fundamentalist groups who advocate violence.

The main fear I harbour is not for his Human Rights but for that of his Lawyers, the sheer pain they must be feeling as a result of the tortuous physical and emotional strain of keeping a straight face, whilst pursuing their arguments. Lawyers, I pray you have rights too.

Having said that Mr Qatada under the Legal system of this country has a right to pursue his application, we must all be thankful there is at least a system. I guess this country's not that bad then.

Sunday, February 18, 2007

Rude Boy
















The name Rude boy has a number of possible origins:

a. In Jamaica, the word Rude was akin to the modern colloquial term- "wicked"

b. The term was also used in the conventional term for the anti-social conduct of the cadre who answered to the title.

In Jamaica in the 50's there were two main promoters of Sound systems- Clement "Coxsone" Dodd and Duke Reid, who routinely sent rough-necks known as Dancehall crashers to disrupt each others gigs, these roughnecks later became know as Rude Boys (pronounced Rood Bwais)

The music of the Rude Boy was initially the Big-Band Style and a hybrid form known as Mento, a fusion of African styles played in Jamaica in the early 20th century and the Big band style equally made popular by students of the famour Alpha Catholic school, the young players were known as the Alpha boys, some of whom later set up Big bands influenced by Duke Ellington and Count Basie. This probably being simultaneous with the growth of Calypso and Soca in Trinidad and Tobago and Gumbay in Barbados.

Mento then gave way to Ska as the music of the Rude Boy. The name Ska arose from a request of the Guitarist- Ernest Ranglin, whilst in Cluet Johnson's band for a steady sound from the Guitar, hence as the quote goes- "im make the guitars go Ska! Ska! Ska!" Hence Ska was born. The style engendered by Ska was a hybrid of Mento and Big Band Jazz, initially called "Shuffle" and which became the phenomenom known as Ska.

There has been controversy as to who was the original Rude Boy i/e the King of Ska- Jimmy Cliff or Desmond Dekker. An irrelevant consideration unless you were part of the scene then and this was important politically and commercially since the Rude Boys in the greater scheme became tools in the hands of the politicians and also as a result of Ska's growing commercial popularity in Jamaica after Independence in 1962.

Ska in its raw form was akin to todays Gangster Rap in that the music was played by and for the roughnecks who formed part of the street culture of the Rude Boy. Make no mistake Jimmy Cliff and Desmond Dekker may have had sweet voices but they were as streetwise and tough as they come, being products of Kingston's Shanty Town.

Also emerging at this time and supported by Coxsone Dodd were a group of three Rude Boys- Peter Tosh, Bunny Wailer and Bob Marley- The Wailers.

Other popular band of the time were the mighty Heptones, Soul Brothers, Derrick Morgan, the Ethiopians to name a few. The lyrics were socially conscious and reflected the lives of the unemployed, poor and angry youth with titles such as "Gunmen comin to town, "007 Shanty Town", Lawless street, Al Capone Guns don't bark etc This being in contrast to the softer sound of Delroy Wilson and Eric Morris, Prince Buster - (Oh Carolina)which were more religious or romantic in nature.

The dancehall was the arena where Ska showed its style, notable of course was the Ska dancestyle in which the Dancers punched their arms forward rhythmically to the beat, charming but the origin of this was the motion of Rudeboys punching or stabbing the living daylights out of someone.

Another style statement of the Rudeboy being the fashion, with the Trilby/Pork-pie hats and black suits and ties, which were copied from US gangster movies.

Ska inevitably came to the UK with Immigration and the first major hit was "My boy lollipop" in 1964 by Millie Small, which had a young Rod Stewart on Harmonica. Millie Small also had a sell-out concert in Lagos Nigeria in 1966- just by the way of course. Desmond Dekker's Israelites became the first Jamaican single to go to number one on the British charts, closely followed by a succession of other hits- "Monkey Man" by Toots and the Maytals, "Carry go bring come" by Justin Hinds and the Dominoes. I met Justin about 10 years ago through a close friend Ransford from Birmingham and he remains an Icon in his native Kingston Jamaica, where he lives- in Ocho Rios like a local Chieftain- a name dropping aside of course. These songs whilst now popular had been released several years before in Jamaica.

The Rudeboy culture of course found its way into the UK through Immigration and the music and strangely enough found kindred spirit within the Mod community in the UK who adopted the music and style. Rod Stewart was of course a Mod at the time.

Interestingly enough, a Rudeboy haunt and Ska club was the favourite haunt of Christine Keeler in the heat of the Profumo scandal.

Ska later morphed into Rocksteady and which in itself gave birth to Reggae as its known today. But Ska enjoyed a revival in the late 70's and early 80's through Jery Dammers' Two-Tone Label, giving birth to new Bands like the Specials, the Special AKA, The Undertones and which spawned hits for newer Mod Bands like- Madness, Bad Manners etc


One of the landmarks of the Rudeboy culture was the iconic movie- "The Harder they come" the first Jamaican feature film-starring Jimmy Cliff, which highlighted the Rude Boy culture in its raw form, the music the violence and the passion.
http://www.imagesjournal.com/issue10/reviews/hardertheycome/text.htm

The Rudeboy phenomenon in a more serious remains a symbol of rebellious youthful angst and the hard uncompromising face of street culture, long before the Hip-hop culture came to be the symbol of youthful counter-culture in Black communities across the world. Not necessarily a good thing on account of the reality of the violence and criminality that both glorified/glorify, but that is the sad reality. However the Rude Boy culture was a cultural milestone of black history which in itself contributed substantially to popular music culture.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Letter to Mrs Murray

The Delectable designer's mate from Yorkshire outdoes herself again with this one enjoy:

Proof of what can happen if a wife or girlfriend drags her husband or boyfriend along shopping

This letter was recently sent by Tesco's Head Office to a customer in Oxford :

Dear Mrs. Murray,

While we thank you for your valued custom and use of the Tesco Loyalty Card, the Manager of our store in Banbury is considering banning you and your family from shopping with us, unless your husband stops his antics.

Below is a list of offences over the past few months all verified by our surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's trolleys when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to feminine products aisle.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, "Code 3" in housewares..... and watched what happened.

5. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

6. September 15: Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing department and told shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring sausages and a Calor gas stove.

7. September 23: When the Deputy Manager asked if she could help him, he began to cry and asked, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

8. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, picked his nose, and ate it.

9. November 10: While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the Housewares aisle asked an assistant if he knew where the antidepressants were.

10. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

11. December 6: In the kitchenware aisle, practised the "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

12. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

13. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, assumed the foetal position and screamed "NO! NO! It's those voices again."And; last, but not least:

14. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while; then yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here."Yours sincerely,Charles Brown Store Manager

Monday, February 12, 2007

It was us wot won it!

England have won the series as predicted strangely enough by Big B and yours truly.

Laugh if you will, but I believe the sacrifice of my Military Police beret was a fitting gift to the Gods, hence they smiled favourably upon England, as well Big B's supreme sacrifice of forgoing alcohol for a week, which pushed the gods into such a tight spiritual corner, they were forced to pay a ransome by giving England victory, boy talk about strong arm tactics!

Well, we shall as usual be modest and gracious in victory by sending a moon-themed email to all our Australian friends, I recommend the slogan "Kiss my Aus". True sportsmanship eh?

By the way, Freddie also sacrificed by trimming his beard, though more likely to discourage further fan mail from Cricket fans in Afghanistan.

Sunday, February 11, 2007

?

There are a few things that are totally pointless and do not merit exploring or analysing. There are some principles that are unworthy of exertion.

Its a big wonderful world and God gave us eyes in front so that we look forward, if one was meant to look backwards, our eyes would have been placed at the back.

Live by your own convictions and dreams, these are all you have and shall leave behind. Take pride in your gifts and at the very least enjoy the ride, inspite of all that may be seen, I'm enjoying this ride. Make amends where possible, walk away where impossible with head held high or at leat unbowed. Those that may twist the knife without grace or kick at the supplicant have their own debt to Karma, as you owed a duty to pay yours by supplication.

No-one knows what heavy burden the next man carries and in any event, it really is not anyone else's business. Fight your battles, give respect to all and any and cherish the inevitable beauty along the way that may otherwise have been ignored in swathes of self-pity and self-indulgence.

The whole experience of paradox and contradiction is sometimes a little tiring but an inevitable constituent of the compound. Inspite of all its a beautious phenomenon to behold. An icon of all that is good of man's being, yet with its imperfections and rough edges.

There is a time and place in the cosmos for every soul, every man deserves his place in the Universe. Even till now, I still hold desiderata strong.

Courage of Conviction

I've previously considered the psychology of courage. The hot variety brought on by an adrenalin rush in a situation of danger or similar, the cold variety being a calm, calculated act of valiance.
The background of this post is this:
a. Anambra is a state in Nigeria, with a recent history of serious political violence, an extremely high crime rate and the hotbed of one of the more vocal secessionist groups in Nigeria.
b. The previous Governor of the state was the target of a number of assassination attempts and including shootings and a bomb attack which destroyed part of his official residence, of which a political figure associated with the Central Government in Nigeria was clearly identified as being the instigator. The said Governor was at one point kidnapped and forced at gun-point to resign his position.
c. The State Parliament was razed to the ground by thugs sponsored by the same individual mentioned above.
The individual responsible was identified as a Senior Adviser to Nigeria's President, who clearly had the support of the said President.
The scenario clearly being that of extreme state-sponsored violence against a democratically elected Government.
A panel of inquiry was set up by the State Government to investigate the violence resulting in the destruction of the state parliament and other government buildings. As things go the report was supposed to be a whitewash, since no-one was going to risk his neck indicting the obvious culprits. A wise line of thought, since the Governor with all his security detail was the target of such brazen violence, what hope did a bunch of defenceless civil servants?
The panel submitted its report two years ago and at the official submission, http://news.biafranigeriaworld.com/archive/vanguard/2005/06/15/commission_indicts_200_over_political_mayhem_in_anambra.phpand surprised all by a clear precise and revealing account of the process leading up to the violence. Good! However whilst researching the subject I came across an article, which highlighted a part of the report which had never been made public precisely thus
“Emmanuel Nnamdi Uba’s presence at the meetings in Chief Christian Uba’s house in Abuja during the plans and (Andy Uba’s) declaration there (at the said meeting) that he was the president’s alter ego was a huge morale booster to the plotters. His conduct was unbecoming of a person occupying the exalted office of Senior Special Assistant to Mr. President on Domestic Affairs. The Commission recommends he should be investigated and prosecuted”.
I have verified the authenticity of this quote and indeed the report itself, although the original site where the detail was released appears to have been suppressed . I can only say that it was refreshing to witness the courage of the Commission in making the recommendation, lets face the facts. Nigeria is not the posterboy for honesty and accountability in civil governance, it doesn't happen and when there is a semblance of same its usually geared towards narrow political ends against opposition figures and never focuses on the real crooks.
It took a great deal of courage for the Commission to have made the recommendation, least of all as I am aware that the Chairman of the Commission did not have and till today has no security detail (having rejected the single police detail issued to him) and by making the recommendation, placed himself in grave danger.
The report whilst submitted was never gazetted- not surprisingly- however the commissin had done itrs work and I shall salute the courage of the Chairman and his colleagues. It was an extremely brave thing to do in the circumstances in that the pronouncement placed the members in the direct firing line of the corrupt Government apparatus.
Anambra is my home state in Nigeria, hence I am concerned about issues in the state, however the report of the commission gives one hope that there is a process initiated that may have some part in changing the consciousness.
I salute the courage of the commission and its Chairman with whom I am well familiar, for he is my father. This is a legacy for my children far more valuable than any trust fund or monetary legacy. We never discussed the report, he didn't feel the need to trumpet what was simply another day at the office in a 47 year career. Well I do and have

Saturday, February 10, 2007

Ballet Dancing Hookers










My little boy is going to play Rugby Union for England and thats final. I've had this dream for years ..well not that many he's just 5+. This being on account of his natural attributes- incredible strength and speed for a mere infant.

Too young to play in the Middlesex team until he turns 7, I took to training him on basic rules and the mentality- strength, speed, stamina and tenacity. Under my mediocre tutelage my boy has blossomed into a tough little bulldog, displaying the attributes defined and also incredible balance and agility. As I have boasted to ad nauseum, my kid does 20 strict-form press-ups and I say hand on heart, I never pushed him. I had in mind for him the Hooker position, for those who may have confused the title of this post with something less than proprietary, I say shame on you!

Something happened a few years ago though, I was informed that my little Steve Thompson had been enrolled in a Ballet class by mum. I was incandescent with rage!! How very dare she enrol my Alpha male prototype in an effeminate pursuit, there was going to be hell to pay.

A strange thing happened though, on the way to have the matter referred to the House of Lords for adjudication, I thought as a matter of formality that I should ask my Rugrat what he felt about, his simple answer was- "Daddy I like Ballet"..No ifs no maybe's, my little boy is a man of few words and he had said his piece, no amount of gentle and not so gentle persuasion (threats) he wouldn't budge hence I was forced with my tail between my legs to capitulate (Vox Munchkinus Vox Dei).

Yesterday for the first time, I had the opportunity of picking up my boy from Ballet school, which he still faithfully attends 2 years after (10 years in adult attention span years). Quite an experience and one to confound all preconceived notions.

1.The teacher was a battle-axe of a woman, who looked like she ate steel wool for candy floss, with the manner of a drill sergeant.

2. The routines required discipline, physical strength and concentration.

3. She ran the classes with a strict regime spanning from dressing to the actual routines and importantly the kids didn't look like they were being intimidated or harassed, they were loving the discipline, Interaction and fun of the exercises.

Now if you took these three points out of context, I could be describing a Rugby team training session without the swearing and aggressive content. The pink or almond leotard element remains a sore point for me however, but will commend it for the balance and discipline my son has imbibed, which will of course assist his sure path to a place in the England squad. I have not quite come round to the possibility of him deciding to pursue a career in Sadlers Wells, On this occasion, I shall not be asking my son his opinion, the prospect of his answer frightens me!!





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Thursday, February 08, 2007

Big B's Magnum Opus


My nemesis Young Boniface or Big B as we shall call him (though not on account of his total size, but on account of the size of his Liver) delivered a telling riposte the other day.

He took forthright umbrage at my description of his cuilinary reference and pointedly corrected me as to his choice of diet, in particular he completely denied a penchant for Egg and Chips and when asked for particulars of my error, he succinctly stated that he was rather disposed to Egg, Ham and Chips. Ladies and gentleman this was the Coup de grace, I was floored and gracefully admitted defeat. He had won fair and square.

For those who might wonder why I have chosen to write what is an altogether insubstantial post (not exactly an essay of stature I accept), my answer is thus. Its my Blog and I shall write what the heck i want.

Big B, accept my congratulations!

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

England v New Zealand Cricket: Eating one's hat

Young Boniface from across the office once again informed me of England's victory against New Zealand and requested of me that I eat my hat for my adverse comments against England's performance in the series.

I own a hat by the way, a black dress hat from Bates of Jermyn Street, to state the plainly obvious, its neither a Kebab nor a plate of Egg and Chips- cuilinary delicacies of which Young B relishes in true gourmet fashion. I shall however accept that England showed true character by pulling back from the brink, thanks of course to Collingwood's century, otherwise I stand by my comments about England's performance and will say that the ever present collapse was not my making and even in the match against New Zealand, it reared its ugly head once more. In truth I find that with a bit of bottle there's absolutely no reason why England cannot win the series.

Back of course to the hat eating business, I shall reach a compromise and eat my old Military Police Beret, whilst I concede it's not a hat, It shall certainly have the desired effect of shutting me up (I do not talk with my mouth full) and ensure that Young B gets his desired revenge.

Mike Royko Continued

I'm going to repeat this classic Mike Royko article. Sorry but this guy was my hero.
February 16, 1973

What's Behind Daley's Words?
Several theories have arisen as to what Mayor Daley really meant a few days ago when he said: "If they don't like it, they can kiss my ass."
On the surface, it appeared that the mayor was merely admonishing those who would dare question the royal favors he has bestowed upon his sons, Prince Curly, Prince Larry, and Prince Moe. But it can be a mistake to accept the superficial meaning of anything the mayor says. The mayor can be a subtle man. And as Earl Bush, his press secretary, once put it after the mayor was quoted correctly: "Don't print what he said. Print what he meant." So many observers believe the true meaning of the mayor's remarkable kissing invitation may be more than skin deep. One theory is that he would like to become sort of the Blarney Stone of Chicago.
As the stone's legend goes, if a person kisses Ireland's famous Blarney Stone, which actually exists, he will be endowed with the gift of oratory. And City Hall insiders have long known that the kind of kiss Daley suggested can result in the gift of wealth.
People from all over the world visit Blarney Castle so they can kiss the chunk of old limestone and thus become glib, convincing talkers. So, too, might people flock to Chicago in hopes that kissing "The Daley" might bring them unearned wealth. Daley, or at least his bottom, might become one of the great tourist attractions of the nation.
The Blarney Stone has become part of the living language in such everyday phrases as "You're giving me a lot of blarney." That could happen here, too. People who make easy money might someday be described as "really having the gift of the Daley bottom."
That is one theory. Another, equally interesting, goes this way: Throughout history, the loyal subjects of kings and other monarchs have usually shown their respect with a physical gesture of some sort. In some places, it was merely a deep bow or a curtsy when the ruler showed up or departed. Others, who were even more demanding, required that the subjects kneel or even crawl on all fours. (A few Chicago aldermen engage in this practice.) In some kingdoms, those who approached the big man were expected to kiss his ring or the hem of his royal clothing.
Daley has already ruled Chicago for longer than most kings reigned in their countries. At this point, many of his loyal subjects view him as more a monarch than an elected official. It seems obvious that he intends to pass the entire city on to his sons, which is a gesture worthy of a king. So it would be only natural that he might feel the time has come when he is entitled to a gesture of respect and reverence that befits his royal position. And what he suggested would be simply a variation of kissing a ring or a hand. Instead of kissing the royal hem, we would kiss the royal ham.
Although I have not read of any king expecting a kiss in precisely the area the mayor described, why not? One of the hallmarks of Chicago is that we do so many things in an original manner. What other city has made a river flow backwards? What other city makes traffic flow backwards? And it would be quite original if we had a leader who greeted us backwards. Where else would a leader turn his back on his people and be cheered for it?
History also tells us that in some ancient kingdoms, a person who had some terrible illness thought he would be cured if he kissed the feet of the king. Could it be that the mayor is launching a low-cost, and low-slung, health program for us?I am sure there will be some people who won't want to show their affection for the mayor this way. As one man put it, when he heard what the mayor had said: "If Daley wants me to do that, then he sure has a lot of cheek." But there also are the loyal followers, typified by radio disc jockey Howard Miller, who declared over the airwaves that the mayor has "more brains in his bottom" than his critics have in their heads. While I might disagree with Miller on the quantity of cerebral matter, I won't quarrel with the location. In any case, we will maintain our efforts to find out what the mayor really meant. We hope to get to the bottom of this story. Or should I say, to the story of this bottom.

Sunday, February 04, 2007

Chuikov










Whats your image of the 2nd World War Soviet Soldier. Mine is that of an uncompromising, tough, determined, proud, ruthless, courageous and often simple individual, with a fondness for a wee drop of Vodka and an ironic sense of humour. A stereotype maybe, but one held by the Soviets themselves.

One man in particular embodies this ethos for me, I'll ask you to do two things, one is take a look at the photo above and then read the quote below then see if you can marry the face with the comment:
"On the 12th of September Chuikov was appointed commander of 62nd Army by Khrushchev, at his HQ in Yamy. Krushchev informed him that the Germans were prepared to take the city at any cost, there could be no surrender and there was nowhere to retreat to. Then he asked 'Comrade Chuikov, how do you interpret your task?' Chuikov answered 'We will defend the city, or die in the attempt!' On hearing his answer, Krushchev informed him that he had interpreted his task correctly"

Some may define his response as mere bluster, that may be the case for non-students of Soviet Military history, however those who have taken time to study this genre will find that this was a mindset that was deeply embedded in the psyche of the Soviet soldier both by nature and training and more in particular by the consequences of weakness or failure in Stalin's USSR, retreat was never an option. Retreat was treason, for the simple reason that you were expected to fight and die and if you didn't die, then you were a traitor of spy- the consequences were the same. To put a fine point on it, he said it and he meant it.

There is an often used modern colloquial term "hard bastard" often used when defining some thuggish football hooligan or underworld figure, well whatever, but the truth is that if any man/woman deserved this title, then it would have to be Vasily Chuikov.

A summary of his credentials would be thus: the defence of Stalingrad against the overwhelming force of the German invasion, with limited resources and in the face of mind-boggling odds both logistical and personal. The battle of Stalingrad was the bloodiest battle in human history and involved close quarter combat of the most extreme quality, and almost daily house-to-house combat, in almost unimaginably difficult conditions i.e the hunger, insanitary conditions, disease and lest I forget..the Russian winter, with average temperatures  of -25 degrees centigrade. To put the conditions into perspective, here'a an extract from the accounts of a soldier who died in the course of the battle.."my hands are done for and have been since the beginning of December. The little finger of my left hand is missing and whats even worser (sic) the three middle fingers of my right one are frozen, I can only hold my mug with my thumb and little finger. I'm pretty hopeless, only when a man has lost a finger does he see how much he needs them for little things. The best thing I can do for the little finger is to shoot it off. My hands are finished. After all even if I'm not fit for anything else I can't go on shooting for the rest of my life...." http://users.pandora.be/stalingrad/russianpart/ruswinter.html Stark but horribly true.

Chuikov's task simply put was to stop the German advance and defeat them comprehensively. A tall order considering that the Germans were barely a mile away from the city centre and the hoisting of the German flag would have signified the capture of Stalingrad. I won't belabour you with details but will say that this was a herculean task for even a General with enormous resources in men and materials. Chuikov did not have such an advantage. Chuikov inherited a demoralised and defeated Army overwhelmed by the force and ruthlessness of Von Paulus' German 6th Army advance, lack of resources and tragically the activities of Beria's NKVD (The Soviet Secret Police), which probably murdered as many Soviet soldiers as the German's did.

Chuikov was under the command of Yeremenko and Nikita Krushchev. His battle plan was to encircle and trap the German forces who numbered close to 300, 000 inside the city alone out of a total number of almost 1.2 Million committed to the campaign. He succeeded in trapping the Germans in the city and then ensued one of the most brutal battles in modern warfare. This was no high tech conflict, this battle was a throw back to Medieval warfare in that a large percentage was close quarter hand to hand combat. The 6th Army by the way consisted of some of the best troops the Wehrmacht could throw up- disciplined, determined, battle hardened, ruthless soldiers against the poorly trained, poorly supported Russian soldiers, who numbered slightly less than a million at the onset of the campaign, in short they were outnumbered. The difference was Chuikov.
He firstly proceeded to work on morale, not by handing out sweeties and flowers but by drawing the cold hard line of choice- fight or die, instilling military discipline (less the looting, boozing rabble-rousing, but a cold hard determined mindset), most importantly he was in the field or battle not in some cosy Command and Control centre removed from the theatre. Chuikov leiterally had to move command centres several times to escape bombardment, often operating from freezing, filthy bunkers, with debris and dust often choking the small spaces he worked from. These were creature comforts, for which he was not concerned, the man was a warrior pure and simple and set about his task with single-minded purpose and conviction, often having to deal with the absurdity of Stalin's refusal to provide requisite logistics, inspite of the glaring need. Importantly, he had to work hard to counter the ill-effects on morale caused by the hated NKVD. The effect of his leadership on the morale of his men is symbolised by the following comparison used in an earlier post:

1. Letter home from an Italian soldier in North Africa during WW2:"I am tired of this stinking hole filled with sand that gets everywhere, with the millions of devilish flies that swarm all over us and this horrible war and all our friends who have died needlessly to make those old men happy..."
2. Letter from a Russian Soldier to his wife during the defence of Stalingrad WW2 (In conditions far worse than in North Africa, equally against incredible odds at the time.)" The Germans will not withstand us".
The victory at Stalingrad was one of the major turning points in WW2 and was won by the sheer courage and determination 0f the Russian Soldier, Chuikov's leadership and quite honestly by the Russian winter.

A bit about Chuikov- born in 1900 in the Tula province near Moscow, he joined the Red Army in 1917, and progressed rapidly through the ranks from Assistant Commander to Commander of the 40th and then the 43rd Rifle regiments in 1919 and 1920. Command of the 5th Rifle Corps in 1938 and the 4th Army in the same year. He suffered defeat whilst leading the 9th Army in the Finnish campaign, with the main reason for his defeat being that his command position was too far from the front, I shall presume he learnt his lesson after this. After a period in the wilderness he was appointed by Stalin to lead the 62nd Army in the defence of Stalingrad. His strategy was simply- encirclement and his tactics were: a. Night attacks to prevent the Luftwaffe from preventing the attacks and also to deprive the Germans of sleep and physically weaken them; b. To keep the Russian attack as close to the Germans as possible; c. Strong attack points to channel the Germans into Anti-tank defence zones.

Two million soldiers died in the battle of Stalingrad, close to a million German and axis troops and a million Soviet troops. It is difficult to say how many civilians died of starvation and as a result of the fighting. Mention must however be made of the discipline of the German troops who inspite of frightening conditions, starvation, cold and disease, remained disciplined till the very end in unbelievable conditions. At the end of the battle the Russians were amazed to see the pitiful condition of their adversaries- even the Generals.

On the 19th of November, he launched operation Uranus- the encirclement of the German forces, this turned the tide of battle and changed the Russian objective from defence to attack, resulting ultimately in victory and surrender by the Germans on January 31st 1943.

Chuikov was honoured by Stalin for his leadership and courage and equally rewarded with the assignment of leading the attack on Berlin, symbolically because the defeat had so weakened the German Army that there was little to stop the Soviet advance to Berlin. On the 2nd of May 1945, Chuikov accepted the surrender of Berlin on behalf of the Soviet High Command at a small cost. The battle for Berlin was one of the most bloody close quarter battles ever fought and rivalled only by Stalingrad, however Chuikov's men were well suited to the task. A reflection of their sacrifice is signified by the Chuikov's quote that 'every stone, the brick rubble, the asphalt pavements of the squares and streets" of Berlin were stained with his mens blood.

He remained in Germany as Head of the Occupation Force and later became Soviet Minister of Defence till his retirement in 1972. He died in 1982, a hero of the Soviet Union.
Chuikov was a paradox, an extremely courageous and determined man, he was nonetheless an extremely ruthless individual- part of his orders were that any retreating soldiers on the banks of the Volga were to be shot on sight, however its a bit rich judging a man like him by subjective gentle standards. The future of his country and indeed his own life depended on winning the battle and unfortunately he made some hard choices and that sadly is the bottomline. What is undeniable is that his courage and the victory of his men was the final nail in the coffin of the German war machine, done against incredible odds and..with a little help from the Russian winter. To qualify this last fact I'll use an old proverb, he who runs from an assailant must take comfort in the fact that as he suffers tiredness, so does his pursuer. The Russians suffered the winter too, the difference being that they were defending their country and lives, the Germans were invaders. A lesson to be learnt before we go off invading other countries.

He was also human, after operation Uranus but before victory, Chuikov took a walk across the Volga to a have a couple of drinks on his way back and whilst totally rat-arsed and unsteady of gait, he fell into a hole in the Ice and nearly drowned/froze to death, which would have been an ignominious end to a distinguished Military career.
© Edward Keazor

Reference: Stalingrad- Author Antony Beevor; Pan-Ballantynes History of World War 2 (Editor- Barrie Pitt); The Eastern Front http://www.theeasternfront.co.uk/index.html

Friday, February 02, 2007

Stop Press! England win a Cricket Match!!!!!












Young Boniface, from across the office broke the news and I assumed he was suffering from the effects of his binge-drinking bout in Brighton. A subsequent check showed this to be frighteningly true. Wait for it.....England beat Australia by 92 runs in Oz.

I think it appropriate that the nation shows it support for the lads by doing the following:

a. Sending out the Nations best shrinks, we must protect our lads from the imminent effect of post-traumatic stress disorder. Do not underestimate the enormity of the trauma these brave young men shall face as a consequence of err..actually winning a Cricket match and horror of horrors against - Australia!!!
b. A whip-round the nation to re-imburse the barmy army for the copious amounts of alcohol they've consumed out there in Oz. This was a call to duty and they stood up to be counted, drinking their way to glory. I'm close to tears writing this, what with the selfless gesture of these young men and women (and a couple of geriatrics to boot), sacrificing their livers for their country. We salute you (at least I do). I would also recommend that whilst the Shrinks are out there, they have a quick word with the barmy army, since I can foresee the looming trauma they shall face on emerging from their boozy stupor to actually confront the stark and frightening reality of an England victory, combine that with the effects of a hang-over and the prognosis is too frightening to be imagined. Also I hear transplants are cheaper up in Oz, though the quality is compromised by the fact that Aussie livers have little by way of mileage left in them (It ia however the thought that counts).

c. A national monument to the real hero of this victory, no no no! Not Ed Joyce... actually Freddie Flintoff's beard. Yes you heard right, his fierce, gibberish diatribe before the match was only surpassed in its ferocity by the sight of his flaming ginger face-furniture. What a sight, a mad mullah from Lancashire or indeed a crazed Russian Army General from 19th century Preston-ia, threatening fire and brimstone against his weak-kneed, hesitant zealots. The poor bastards were scared shitless and had to win or face the wrath of Freddie Bin-Laden or Marshall Flintovski. Remember the mantra of Russian soldiers during the siege of Stalingrad (there is no land behind the Volga). I propose a monument to Freddies beard on the 4th plinth at Trafalgar Square. C'mon we could do worse and always have. This was a victory on a par with Trafalgar anyway so its absolutely apt.

All said it was a great victory,which was matched by the return of Jonny Wilkinson and the first victory by England in 9 Internationals, err...against Scotland, but don't laugh, they spanked us last year. Are we back to winning ways? Shhhh!!!!!!! The boys might hear you dammit!